Culture Rub 1/10/16-1/17/16: SPORTS

Chandler Jones Theory

So Chandler Jones supposedly turned himself into the police due to a bad reaction to synthetic marijuana. The synthetic marijuana he supposedly used is legal in Massachusetts. It was rumored that Jones overdosed on pills at Rob Gronkowski’s house Saturday night. It is rumored Jones went to Gronk for help but he was not home because he was in Florida. And today Cris Carter came out and said that he thinks Chandler smoked angel dust.

Here’s my theory:

The Patriot Way is so damn good that the police covered this whole thing up. Gronk had a huge banga Saturday night, resulting in Chandler getting so fucked up, Belicheck’s black eye, and Gronk fleeing to Florida. Seems pretty crazy because we know Coach Belicheck probably wouldn’t go out partying before the playoffs started. But, what really could have went down with Chandler? And why did Gronk decide to go to Florida? And how did Bill get that black eye? Gronk had a crazy party. Somebody starting hitting on Coach’s lady and Bill started a fight. Bill gets punched in the face. Chandler Jones feels bad for Coach, proceeds to get super fucked up. Who knows what planet Gronk was on… And now we are here.

I know that theory is completely absurd. But my point is, we will never know what truly went down last weekend. It is a sketchy situation and the only reason Chandler Jones is not in trouble is because the Patriot Way stems down from leadership, to the fans, and even to the police.

Jason Varitek and Tim Wakefield to be Inducted to Red Sox Hall of Fame

vtek wake.jpg

V-Tek and Wake were teammates for 15 years and became 2 of Red Sox Nation’s favorite players. Wake was famous for his knuckle-ball and we love him so much, we forgave him for letting up that home-run to Aaron Boone. V-Tek was famous for his leadership and giving A-Rod the business. Congrats to both of these Red Sox greats. O ya, and Larry Lucchino is being inducted too and I met that guy court-side at a Celtics vs. Lakers game a few years back.

Celtics and Bruins Both in Tight Squeeze for Playoffs

If the season ended today, the Celtics would not make the playoffs. Right now the Celtics are the 9 seed in the East at 20-19, but only 8 games out of first. I know the All-Star break has not even happened yet but you can tell every game is going to be extremely important for a surprisingly competitive Eastern Conference.

The Bruins are 21-16 and remain 10 points out of 1st in the Atlantic Division. The Bruins have lost a lot of close games this season and typically end up in battles with other division teams. The Eastern Conference is extremely competitive and just like the Celtics, every game is going to be important from here on out.

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