This is going to be another one of those series of blogs like the Top 5 Celebs to Wife Up. I’m assuming since I’m so good at what I do, that’s why I get to go first again. Stay tuned tomorrow for Mikey Mush’s version of this blog. Away we go:
5. Ezio Auditore da Firenze (Assassin’s Creed II)
I know it might be kind of a Charles move to start off with a video game character, but Ezio is the absolute epitome of culture. Kills bad guys. Slays burgahs. Spits fire game. Boys with Leo DaVinci. And he’s from Florence, my second home. I know what you’re thinking: “Gorhammer, you’re describing yourself.” This may be, nevertheless I would love to walk the streets of Florence in his shoes.
4. Coach Taylor (Friday Night Lights)
I was really tempted to choose Tim Riggins, but I wouldn’t last in jail. Coach Taylor seems like a better fit. Come out hot proving all the haters wrong, winning state, married to Tammy who is a saint, and literally everyone looks up to you. What’s not to love? Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.
3. Peter Parker/Spiderman
If I didn’t put a superhero in then I’d be doing this all wrong. Sure there are plenty of superheroes that have better powers than Spiderman, but I think it’s the rags to riches type story that makes me like him the most. And he pretty much started the whole superhero movie trend like ten years ago. A true pioneer in saving lives.
2. Jordan Belfort (The Wolf of Wall Street)
That picture sums up the entirety of capitalism and America. Basically any one of Leo’s characters are worthy of my #2 spot. But I had to go with the Wolf because of his insatiable charisma and self-driven, lavish lifestyle. Could you imagine going around flaunting that many “fun coupons”? Not to mention he marries probably the sexiest burgah on the planet. Only if it were me, I would’ve made a deal with the SEC. No brainer. PS how fired up was the real Jordan Belfort when he found out Leo was playing him in the movie? Bonerific would be an understatement.
1. Vincent Chase (Entourage)
I would be absolutely shocked if Vinny wasn’t #1 on all of our lists. He very literally lives the life we all want to live. Enough said.