So there’s a website called thisiswhyimbroke.com and basically it’s just all ridiculous things you can buy. Some are functional, some are pretty cool, most are insane and funny. These are the essentials that I chose to share with you in the hopes that some of my loyal fans would buy me as a gift (hint hint).
This makes so much sense that I can’t believe I don’t have one already. There are two things I hate about dipping oreos in milk: getting my fingers milky and having that one edge on the oreo that is not sufficiently saturated. This solves both problems. (Sidenote: In the picture there are those inside out/vanilla oreos, whatever they call them it is an absolute psychopath move to dip those in milk. You need the chocolate and milk to counteract each other. That’s the point. I’m pretty sure dipping those in milk is a beginning sign of a serial killer.)
The Useless Box
The Useless Box intrigues me and I kinda really want it. Here’s the description that’s actually on the site:
“There’s no greater way to throw away your hard earned cash than on the useless box. This completely useless box features a sleek black frame and switch that when flicked prompts a small metallic finger to come out and switch it back off – that’s literally all it does.”
It’s kinda like that new Redskins South Park episode where their business plan is to literally do nothing and people actually crowdfund it. Brilliant.
Bear Suit from Workaholics
Nothing says “I’m a baller” more than this. In my opinion, there should be an application process just so you can be cleared to buy this.
Side Mirror Sticker
All-Edges Brownie Pan*
*This is cool for someone who likes edges but I don’t. I want a product that is the exact opposite of this. I want all middle. I need science to come up this that.
Functional Mini Cannons
Imagine having this on your desk at work and being like “Hey Charles! Where’s that expense report?” and then lighting them up with mini cannonballs. My HR teacher would insist this is poor business practice and workplace etiquette, but he’s kinda soft.
Cinderella Carriage Bed
Call me a romantic but could you imagine bringing a burgah back to your room and being like “Oh this old thing? Yeah, that’s where I sleep.” She’ll be a repeat customer, no doubt.
Light-Up Heart Pillow
Call me a romantic but put this in your cinderella bed and she’ll already start texting her friends saying it’s getting pretty serious.
I need this and I need it 5 years ago.
I don’t know why but I think this is hilarious.
“On my way to steal yo girl”
There’s a ton more stuff to waste your afternoon looking at on the site.