My Top 5 Celebrities to Wife Up

It’s not a secret that there are countless celebrities that are grade A, USDA choice meat burgahs. There are even plenty of celebrities who are only famous because they are burgahs. But do you ever get that feeling that a certain celebrity would be a real cultural girl to settle down with? Of course you do. I’ve put a lot of thought into this top 5 and these girls should really be honored and maybe hit me up. Hang on tight, because you’re about to see a side of the Gorhammer that you’ve never encountered before.

5. Julianne Hough





Resume: -Dancing with the Stars


-Rock of Ages

Explanation: As her resume shows, her hips do not lie. She can flat out dance. Also, everyone loves that southern belle type of girl. Not to mention she has those blue eyes that scream “lets get cultural.”

4. Amber Lancaster



Resume: -Hard Times of RJ Berger (one of the few MTV shows that was actually decent)

-Price is Right girl

-Sneaky cougar, 33 years old

Explanation: She pulled off playing a high school girl at the age of 31 in Hard Times of RJ Berger. That’s pretty impressive. She’s also on the best daytime show in the history of daytime and shows. And as you can see, eyes are becoming a trend on this list. I’d marry her in a heartbeat and Bob Barker will be the best man.

3. Dianna Agron

Pictures+of+Dianna+Agron+Actress+and+Singer 27


Resume: -Glee

-I Am Number Four

Explanation: Extremely sexy voice and great singing voice. I also believe brown eyes are very underrated in today’s society. It’s much harder to come across a girl with brown eyes that really pop than it is blue eyes, that’s why you really have to value it. She’s kind of an artsy girl and I’m not really that type of guy, but in this situation I believe our differences will open up new worlds of opportunity for both of us.

2. Sara Underwood




Resume: -Former host of Attack of the Show on G4

-Former Playboy model (don’t worry, that is not how I came across her)

-Unofficially nominated as one of the hottest burgahs on the planet (by me)

Explanation: She is what we in the business call a five tool player. Clearly a burgah of epic proportion, but that’s not my focus here. She’s the type of girl that can chill with you and your friends, have some beers and watch the game. That’s a deadly trait to have in the arsenal. Also, there’s no “h” in Sara…that’s hot.

1. Alison Brie



Resume: -One of the stars in the show Community

-In those Smirnoff commercials with that guy who played Derek in Stepbrothers

-Jewish. Bubbie will be happy to hear that.

Explanation: Clearly a very attractive, charismatic member of the opposite sex. She seems to have a great sense of humor, which is very important to me. She may even be a Linda sometimes, but a little dose of Linda has actually been proven to improve heart health. Finally, I don’t know why, but I feel like she’s a dog person. Huge bonus points.

Honorable mentions:

Jana Kramer



Anna Kendrick

2014 Anna Kendrick HD Wallpaper -352


Emma Watson


Kacey Musgraves



Make sure you check back tomorrow for the top 5 from the avid burgah eater, Tackstyles. Tweet us your top five celebs to wife up @TouchMyCulture with #TMCtop5


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