So, I did not write these jokes in fact I have no idea who did, so I am sorry if they offend anyone. Read them if you need to cheer up. Enjoy the laughter.

• I’d just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two days.’ I told him, ‘I wish I had your will power.’
• A fat girl served me in McDonald’s at lunchtime. She said ‘sorry about thewait’. I said, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll find a way to lose it eventually’.
• I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.  When I came out, he looked at me and said ‘Any Change?’ I said, ‘Nope, you’re still black’.
• Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best!
• Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
• I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I’m going to take that.’
• I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently “Blacks” and “Mexicans” were NOT the correct answers.
• I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. —