College Chronicles: How to Find Culture at a Small, Private School

Sup mushes. So I have been consulted to add a small school perspective to TMC, so you’re culture may be touched in a different way, from a different angle. I’m a junior at Bryant University (3500 students) in Rhode Island, I’m from Boston, and I am roommates with the infamous MajPlayaa, member of the TMC clique, so I am thoroughly exposed to culture.

I could talk about all the real pros and cons like class sizes, money, opportunities, ect…but that’s boring. So I am here to present to you how to make a small, private college just as cultural as a big public school. Just follow my advice and your culture will be touched:


First and foremost, we need to talk about the burgahs. Obviously, less students, less girls, less burgahs to choose from. The percentage of burgahs in the girl population might be the same, the proportions are just smaller. Of these burgahs, a lot of them seem to have boyfriends. This is probably a result of the large amount of guys drooling over this small amount of attractive girls. Therefore, the key to getting pley at a small school is being completely open to eating a turkey burgah, at least every once in a while. The only ongoing problem about random hookups at a small school is that you’re almost definitely going to see the girl again. But fuck it, it’s only awkward if you make it awkward, right? Sidenote: it’s weird how many burgahs just appear as soon as the weather gets warm. It’s like they hibernate and then as soon as it hits 55 degress, a horde of grade A burgahs that you’ve never seen before are laying out on the lawn listening to Carrie Underwood.


At a huge school like UMass, there is a lot more variety to partying because of the amount of parties that go on and the amount of bars there are to choose from. At a small school, you don’t have that luxury. There are two keys to successful partying at a small school. Number one: get into a routine, but still allow for variety within that routine. I know that doesn’t make much sense so I’ll paint a picture with examples. At Bryant, coordinating bars and parties is easy because of the small community and everyone’s network pretty much extends across a good portion of the student body. Here is a week in Bryant’s nighttime culture: Tuesday- Parente’s (Rente’s for short. The bar within walking distance of campus). Thursday- Effins (Bar/Club 5 minute drive off campus). Friday/Saturday- on campus parties. And on any given day you can mix in drinking and tailgating sporting events, going to Twin River Casino right down the street, ect. That’s where the variety comes in. Friday and Saturday are a whole science in themselves, but basically just get a routine down with your friends where you pregame, bounce around to different pregame parties, then do what you can to find real parties, then end up eating pizza at Ronzios. Or if you have a girlfriend just bang her and stop complaining about how you can’t find any good parties. The other key is to GET WEIRD. There’s really no way to instruct someone on how to get weird, just get really drunk and have an open mind. Do something out of the ordinary and go an adventure with your friends. You will end up having a lot of fun even if you don’t find a good party and/or pleys.


Chances are your small school isn’t anything special athletically. Still, most small schools have a strong sense of community and has a good atmosphere for games. For example, Bryant Baseball games are packed with students in tanks, beer coolers, and kan jam. Basketball games (when packed) are a crazy atmosphere because the gym is so small. We’ve even been known to get opposing players T’d up because we get under their skin.


All in all, get a good group of friends, expand your network, get a routine, feast on turkey burgahs, and never say no to an adventure. Do these things and you’re doing small college right.

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