Five Flightless Birds That Suck


In all honesty, flightless birds need to go. I Love the regular, normal birds who are productive members of society, but all the non-flying, fun-sucking species should disappear for good.



Five: Big Bird, talk about a Geach. This big yellow flightless animal walks up and down sesame street thinking he’s better than every one else just because he’s bigger than Burt and Ernie. Instead of spending his time with an imaginary elephant, he needs to see the doctor and get those wings checked.


Four: New Orleans Pelican’s Mascot (Hugo); First things first, this has to be the worst team name for any professional basketball team in history. Not only that but they picked the worst mascot costume, it literally defines the word mook in one outfit. I’m sorry New Orleans, but you should have kept the hornets….I mean really? the Pelicans?

Three: Daisy Duck; I hate daisy duck. This self centered duck does nothing but cause problems for my man Donald. All Donald wants is a couple two tree burgahs here and there, but no. Daisy’s flightless ass feels like she’s too good for him. Now I couldn’t find much visual evidence, but she’s a cold hard bitch.


(Birdman giving a nice Le Pleyyy)

Two: Chris “Birdman” Andersen; Not only does he look like a crackhead, but he also can’t fly. The “Birdman” managed to sneak a championship ring last spring because of Lebron James and the Miami Heat’s work. Andersen does very minimal work for the team and yet he still gets paid for being a flightless bird, I know I can’t wrap my head around it either.


One: Angry Birds; I hate these birds, because they have zero culture.  They need to be launched by a human in order to be productive. It is a waste of time, money, and energy. Go read a book instead of supporting these life consuming and flightless fugazis.

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