Republicans Starting to Grasp Reality on Legalizing Zoots

RAMPLegal zoots are spreading from state to state, and could be available nationwide, after the 2016 election.

A large part of the Republican Party’s loss in the last presidential election falls on their general social views. Republicans have had a hard time embracing the progressive ideas of our younger generations and adapting to social reality. The Party has a plethora of candidates against gay rights, abortion, and legalizing marijuana. But in 2016, strides are being made regarding the latter topic. It’s also probably the least important of the aforementioned three ideas, but at least we’ll be able to legally zoot in the near future.

Republicans need to realize that there is a such a thing as functioning zooters, people who can smoke weed and remain productive members of society. This is contrary to the ideas of aging Republican Congressmen who associate marijuana with unemployed bums. These are the Congressmen that are slowing down the legalization process, and, after the next elections, they will be the ones who are unemployed bums. Mushes love weed and they are not going to vote for somebody who’s stance on marijuana is 60 years out-dated. But not all is lost for the Republican (sober) Party.

There might be a zoot messiah on the horizon. His name is Gary “Garou” “big bear” Johnson.

Big bear is a Republican who seems to understand the inevitable reality of legalizing zoots. Garou is a 2016 Presidential candidate and is ready for America to legalize marijuana. He’s also pretty funny. Johnson was quoted in an interview saying, “I never exhaled.” Too good.

Mr. Johnson has even offered a presidential pardon for anybody who is in jail for non-violent marijuana crimes. One hundred million Americans have gotten zooted at some point in their lives (one third of our country), and Mr. Johnson does not want to consider those voters criminals. Garou seems to be in touch with reality, and may swing some conservative democrats and independent voters over to his side. I was surprised when I learned about ol’ big bear, but he might not be the only prominent pro-zooter of the Republican Party.


Senator Marco Rubio was asked if he ever had smoked marijuana, and he gave a politically correct answer. This was his answer:

“If I tell you that I haven’t, you won’t believe me. And if I tell you that I did, then kids will look up to me and say, ‘Well, I can smoke marijuana because look how he made it. He did alright so I guess I can do it too.'”

Clearly, Rubio got zooted. He is one of the golden boys of the Republican Party. He has been rumored as a potential Presidential candidate and his stance on marijuana can hurt or help him. It would hurt him in that maybe some Republicans would no longer back him. It would help him, by gaining more votes from the younger generations, aka, the future of America. Personally, I hope Rubio puts the vote predictions aside, and does whatever he thinks is right.

Either way, yes, Senator Rubio, it is okay for kids to look up to you and still say “wow he zooted, and he is a successful Senator.” We are no longer in the Reefer Madness days when marijuana parties took you through hell. Weed has some negative effects, but it also has positive ones. Education on the drug, just like alcohol education, is what is important. Successful people around the country smoke weed, so Senator Rubio, please get with the times because you seem like a senator who represents our country well.

reefer madness


Republicans are finally adapting to the legalization of marijuana. Next on your agenda Republicans: Gay rights and abortion. To all you extra conservative, anti-marijuana, religious freaks, maybe it is time for you to exhale..

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