(Sochi) Senior Al-Qaeda operative Omar al-Farouq has claimed responsibility for the eye infection of famed NBC Sports anchor Bob Costas. Al-Farouq reportedly paid a high-grade Russian prostitute named “Siberia” an undisclosed amount to take a shit on Costas’ face after a discounted one-night package in which Costas was promised oral sex for five straight hours. A concerned Costas checked himself in to a local Sochi hospital where he was diagnosed with pink eye.

Obviously we’re not sure whether or not Bob received the oral sex that he was promised and paid a discounted amount for. Have to feel bad for Bob here regardless. The guy is an iconic American who fell victim to a political scheme that has been used throughout history in that region. Same thing happened to Alexander the Great after he fucked Cleopatra the first time (back then the treatment for pink eye was to have a fat chick piss in your eye to attempt to sterilize the infection). Can’t really blame either man here though, as there’s really no defense when the woman is as seductively tempting as Cleopatra or Siberia. Feel better, Bob.