Winter Olympics Predictions…USA Wins Again.


PSA: If you aren’t drinking solely Labatt Blue out of these cans for the next few weeks you’re an asshole and a communist and I don’t want to know you.

I legitimately can’t believe how hot these cans are. I hate the taste of Labatt blue, a lot. But I’ll be damned if I won’t be drinking a shit load of Labatt blue to support my country.

I personally like the winter Olympics way more than the summer. I don’t care about the US winning in basketball because my feeling is that if they don’t win in basketball, they’ve totally embarrassed our country and it should be a given to win gold every year. It’s zero fun. Yes, I got into Michael Phelps dominating in Beijing because that was awesome, and I could be my own flag waving self and beat my chest and say how awesome we are. But, the winter Olympics have the most exciting events, and probably have the most parody as well.

Predictions for the Games:

-Let’s start with hockey. There are 4 teams that I think could win Gold. Canada, USA, Sweden, and Russia. The sport itself is also a lot better at producing close games and excitement than most of the summer games. Any of those four teams could be in a close game with Finland, Switzerland, or Slovakia, because they could run into a hot goalie, or Zdeno Chara could help to shut down a team’s top line, or anything like that. That’s what makes these games so exciting. Yes, Canada is expected to win, and yes, they are the best team there, but there is one thing the USA has that Canada can’t dream of. Elite goaltending. Whether it be Buffalo’s Ryan Miller or LA’s Jonathan Quick, the USA has the kind of goaltending that can help combat the insane talent and ability that Canada brings to the table. Medal predictions: USA- Gold Canada- Silver Sweden- Bronze

  • Something really weird happens with Putin, I don’t know what it is yet, but he will do something polarizing that people are just dumbfounded by.

-USA will win the most Gold medals, and total Medal count, Germany will be a sneaky competitor with all their winter athletes.

  • Curling will become a social media sensation, as it deserves to.

  • Shaun White wins Gold in whatever he does because he is the most dominating athlete in his sport outside of Joey Chestnut in his prime. He is the Michael Phelps of the winter Olympics, just having a ball and winning Golds left and right.

PS: These are unreal


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