Why do Sculptures Have Small Cultures?

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David: big statue, little culture. I pity ancient Greek and Roman women because it looks like their men were not particularly well endowed. Did Michelangelo keep his studio really cold or are there other reasons for David’s little culture?

There are a few explanations for the male lack in antiquity. Large genitalia was a sign of bestiality whereas small cultures signified intellect. If you wanted to honor a man you would downplay his package making the Ken doll some sort of God with his bare bottom. Likewise sculptors kind of gave up on skillfully replicating the penis. David’s culture lacks any realistic detail whatsoever and his bush looks like a manicured quiff. This is not because Michelangelo was a Charles but because he wanted the focus of his masterpiece to be David’s muscular physique and lifelike pose. My research has also shown that the final reason for historic small cultures is because ancient Greeks and Romans preferred little boys, thus pubescent privates were simply more attractive.

David_von_Michelangelo

On the subject of sculptures and cultures I’d also like to note that the people at the Vatican are a bunch of prudes because they covered all their sculptures. Now it is always fall in the Musei Vaticani.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. humanity777 says:

    IF IT WERE BIGGER….ALL WOMEN, GAY MEN, AND CLOSETED MEN, WOULD NEVER NOTICE THE REST!

  2. erutlucymhcuot says:

    One of the popes in the vatican -I can’t remember his name at this time- is responsible for covering up the ‘cultures’ of the statues and paintings because he found them to be impure. However, this only lasted a short time because subsequent popes also thought that this was not right, and furthermore it was an attack on the artists because this interfered with their work, which was meant to be seen as is. The pope responsible for this constantly clashed with Michelangelo on the subject and seeing as Mikey here is the man who painted the Sistine Chapel he gave this pope a special place in the mural he painted on the wall just above the altar. If you zoom in on this image http://classconnection.s3.amazonaws.com/970/flashcards/1187970/png/portrait_51329835515234.png he is the Charles covered in a snake on the bottom right, or what is supposed to be ‘hell’. Sorry to be long winded and so on, just thought you should know the Vatican is on your side, it was primarily that dude who spread the prude culture.

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