Essential Stock Market Advice for Any College Kid

How To Increase Your Burgah Stock

Have you ever wondered why sometimes you’re on such a hot streak that it appears the burgahs are throwing themselves on the grill for you? And sometimes you are so cold that your buddy takes your propane tank downstairs to his grill saying “you wont be needing this”?

Well, your ability to get burgah depends upon the value of your burgah stock. My friend’s and I have developed a hilarious and insightful system to determine the value of your burgah stock. Essentially, burgah success is based upon investing in your friend’s stock, doing your research, understanding his market share, and determining his ability to get burgah on the night.

Just as money stocks gain or lose value based on speculation, so too does burgah stock. Girls base all sexual decisions, and basically everything, on what other girls do or see. This is a big, relative, social world we live in. And for these reasons, the value of your stock (how likely you are to pull a hot girl or guy) is directly affected by your actions in the burgah market.

It is incredibly fun to banter with friends about the value of their stock. Telling them about how, because they were so fucked up last night, making a fool of themselves, that you were forced to sell.

To give you a better idea, here are a couple classic moves that affect your stock:

1.  Your burgah

The truth is, not everybody is grade A beef.  Some are plain McDoubles, some are bar food burgahs, and others are Abe & Louis prime burgahs. Obviously, not everybody is traded as a Fortune 500 company, some are penny stock start-ups, and some mere corner stores hardly on the market. The overall quality of your beef (adding up all factors of sex appeal, not just physical) places you into your specific market for others to trade your stock. Aka determines what league you are in.

Market Recommendation: I think everybody knows which one of their friend’s gets the most Pley and who attracts the most girls.  These are recommended stocks to invest in.

2. Having a hot girlfriend

This is a classic form of gaining stock value without really being traded on the market. As I said before, this is a relative social world and having a hot girlfriend is your accreditation, or proof and backing of your value. Other girls see that your burgah has passed inspection and is quite tasty….tasty enough to keep around even. Furthermore, it is only natural to want what you can’t have, so other girls now want a bite of your burgah.

Market Recommendation: BUY BUY BUY.  This kid’s stock is raising through the roof and after the IPO (aka break-up) he will have some of the highest stock out there.

3. Making out in public

Everybody makes this classic mistake once Ina while. Once again, this is a social world. Girls see this and think SLOPPY. Girls see that, and once you try and hit on them later, they think GIGALO. It has always been my opinion to stay away from this. Regardless of the quality of the burgah, making out in public will never raise your stock.

Market Recommendation: If you know your buddy is inclined to make out with girls at the party or out at the bar. SELL SELL SELL.

*Don’t forget that your stock value is a relative value, Relative to girls opinions’, so stay up to date on your research and market trends. Keep in mind this is basic introductory analysis of the market, more contingent, in-depth, analysis is recommended. My research tells me halfmanhalfmook has very little shot with his mystery burgah.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. themajfather says:

    dude one time I wanted to create an app that correlates females into a stock market, this shit is foolproof and 100% accurate. everyone should make use of this #getpleys

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