It’s Just a Hilarious Story About That ONE Burgah

We all have goals.  Everybody has got that ONE burgah that they’ve wanted since the first time they’ve seen them.  Something about the patty, or the bun, or it might just be the right temperature grill at the right time.  The want – call it a need – to eat the burgah grows exponentially each time you see the burgah, (similar to GatorShane’s wonderful theory on burgahs see article) although it’s never at the right time.  You never see them out, or you were too fucked up to throw it on the grill. “Ohhhhhh the things I’d do just for a side of fries” you tell your buds, but you’ve yet to heat up the griddle.  In fact, you could be stuck at any stage be it frozen patty, grill warming up, bleeding the burgah, or just damn near burnt burgah (don’t ask), the bottom line is the burgah has not been eaten.  Take a moment and picture this juicy burgah in your life to make this story a little more epic.

An esteemed friend of mine returned home around 4AM following a night filled with unfulfilled burgah aspirations and one too many drinks.  After indulging in a couple two tree sploifes, this kid is full charles and passes out on his own couch, presumably for the night.  Meanwhile, I return home from the bar to find him in this state with his phone ringing on his chest.  The call is not waking him up so I check the name, and it is none other than his ONE burgah we’ve just discussed.  I slap him in the face, smiling, knowing I’m serving up his dream burgah on a silver platter.

But the story gets better.  What if I told you, not only can you have that one burgah you’ve been dying to eat, you can eat it anywhere you want.  Well, this esteemed friend chose the roof of our 3 story home.  A spot, that for many years now, girls have been brought to see “the highest view in all of Uptown” AKA shooting lighter fluid straight into the barbeque. If you still can’t figure it out, go to sleep. But Consider the turnaround!  This kid goes from passed out on an empty stomach to indulging in the highest quality burgah that he ever dreamed of.

It’s about 7AM now on the roof and he’s still picking up scraps off his plate.  At this point he’s definitely ordered a side of fries and even a shake but he’s still hungry.  Burgahs left and right, fries while hanging his legs over the edge;  Our friend can’t help but be thankful for this girl’s father, or lack thereof.  From one spot of the roof to another he finds himself in the back section where our backyard borders the neighbors.

Lost in the burgah, he finally opens his eyes to see our adult neighbors trying to start their morning on their back porch with a nice java and the morning paper.  Only on this morning they are getting front row seats for the grill-master chef Bobby Flay.  Embarrassed, waving in apology, the two simply move over to a new part of the roof and continue burgering.

Well, we all found out about this story after a crashing sound woke another roommate around 8AM.  The crash? our lovely burgah falling down a full story through the ladder shoot right onto her buns.  Buns, you can guess, were already pretty sore.  yes I did see her limping around later that day, and yes she did look like a truck hit her.

There is no moral to this story.  I just cant stop laughing, picturing that nice old couple looking up over their newspaper and morning coffee to that wonderful sight.  If there is one moral to this story, I guess it is: lock up your daughters.  That being said, I wish everyone the best success with their ONE burgah.