Ladies and gentleman, this is an equation that has finally been put into fruition.  I have studied the factors of this equation for years now, combined with my personal experience to bring to a revolutionary calculation that will change the way that you think of burgahs.  This quadratic equation is not arbitrary, it is factual and has been approved by me.  Let’s get started.

H stands for happiness.  It should be pretty straight forward.  Contingent upon the numbers in this equation, your happiness is the result.

M stands for man.  It is the variable in the equation.  Ladies, i’m sorry but this equation involves a double standard, therefore it only applies to people with testacles.  This is strictly because when one burgahs, the feeling is significantly different for the male than it is for the female.

B stands for burgahs.  If you read the lingo section of this website, you will be informed of what a burgah is.  So let’s take a step back.  So far we have happiness, the result, which is equal to the man multiplied by burgah(s).

Finally, we have the squared symbol.  Essentially, your happiness is dependent on the amount of burgahs you get squared.  Let me elucidate why.  I know that there are many men in this world that are so passionate about the burgah they are with.  They want to be with that burgah for the rest of their life and would do just about anything to keep eating that burgah.  They think that they are thinking rationally and that they will be as happy as long as they can keep eating that one burgah for the rest of their life, but this is a misconception.  The fact of the matter is that every single guy has some raunchiness in him.  It’s like having testosterone or estrogen, they are innate qualities that are given to all men at birth.  Because of that raunchiness, men deep down always want burgahs, no matter how much they convince themselves that they are satisfied with the burgah that they are eating.  They suppress feelings to convince themselves that they only want to eat one burgah.  They create a belief that is not true.  They repress feelings of wanting to burgah and find mechanisms to cope with themselves.  This is why men’s dopamine levels drop substantially when they stop eating that burgah for whatever reason may be.  They have distorted reality to make themselves believe that their life will be worse because they will no longer be able to eat that burgah.  They say that the truth will set you free, and I could not agree more.  Once you get a new burgah after you have parted ways with your old burgah, your raunchiness comes back whether you believe it or not.  It comes back so much that it amplifies to the second power.  Basically the first burgah you get after your break up will only be one burgah because your feelings will still be there for the other burgah, so it will be no more than a burgah.  Then comes a second burgah, the dopamine, the compound in your neurotransmitters proliferates.  The second burgah is not just a second burgah, it amplifies your happiness by four!  Then the third burgah by 9, and so on.

May I  clarify a few salient points that made me extremely ambivalent about promulgating this theory. Of course, the burgah gender is heterogenous.  That is why burgahs are rated on a scale 1-10.  I pondered over whether the quality of the burgah that cut ties or was taken away from the male was in accordance with how much the male’s dopamine levels dropped, and if the subsequent burgahs were just as satisfying for a male that had a gourmet burgah than a male with a turkey burgah.  The answer is they are the same.  Obviously it is tougher to accept the fact that you will no longer to eat a gourmet burgah than it is to accept the fact that you will no longer eat a turkey burgah.  We as humans tend to try to keep our possessions much more than we look for new opportunities.  This is why there is no difference in the quality of the burgah.  Your mind has developed the ethos that the burgah that you are eating a preeminent burgah, and that no other burgah is as juicy as your burgah, no matter what the quality of the burgah actually is.

The second point that was imperative to culminating my theory was  quality of the ensuing burgahs that the male receives actually has no impact of the happiness of the male.   Allow me to use a few hypothetical situations.  Let’s just say that you get a gourmet burgah after you have stopped eating your previous burgah.  Wouldn’t that multiply your happiness more than a turkey burgah?  After all, many men’s self confidence does not come from within, but  is validated on how  hot other people think that man’s burgah is.  After doing extensive research, getting a gourmet burgah does not increase one’s happiness any more than a turkey burgah.  This is because although getting a gourmet burgah set’s a benchmark of the quality of a burgah that a man did not know he could once get, getting a turkey burgah also allows the man to have a story to tell about the turkey burgah, making him just as happy with the fact that he got a turkey burgah than if he got a gourmet burgah.

This is a study that entailed stringent guidelines and has been tested on men from many different social and economic backgrounds.  I hope that this equation can be a turning point in the psychological field of burgahs.