I know what you’re thinking: Hernandez is Mexican and will get screwed by the legal system. That, even if he’s acquitted, they’ll come up with some bogus drug charge because he doesn’t speak English and can’t explain the 40 pounds of crack cocaine recovered from his North Attleboro home.
I can’t argue with the facts. All I know is that Boston has the best fans in sports and it doesn’t get any bigger than the Superbowl. All it takes is one die-hard, Belichick’s dick-rubbing knucklehead to say, “yeah I killed Odin Lloyd,” and Hernandez walks. Kraft feels like an idiot and signs him to a one-year deal. Belichick brings him up to speed in two days. Brady finds him for two touchdowns on February 2nd and the Pats bring home the Lombardi.
But what if he’s out of shape, you might ask? What if he got infected with the gay and dropped ten pounds?
Word out of Walpole is that Hernandez is injected with testosterone twice daily and is able to lift “3 or 4” times in between injections. As we know, the NFL doesn’t test for growth hormones of any kind, so he would be eligible to play immediately.
Look, I’m not saying that it’s definitely gonna happen. Would it be wrong to sign a murderer to a multi-year deal? Maybe. But this is the Superbowl. Biggest game of the year. And let’s face it: we need Hernandez to beat Seattle.
You call yourself a Pats fan? Turn yourself in so Tommy Football can get his fourth ring.