5. LeBron James: richest Islam in North America. Testified in front of congress in support of translating the koran to spanish for Miami Heat fans.

4. Ruben Studdard: first Muslim to win American Idol. Too fat to go on roller coasters.

3. Rev. Jesse Jackson: changed his mind about Christianity after Jesus refused to cure his speech impediment.

2. Dave Chappelle: recently purchased a vacation home in Mecca.

1. Barack Obama: I’m not gonna hold it against him but what his people did to our country on 9/11 was fucked up.