Memoirs of an NYC burgah: Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

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I am a jaded, Manhattan-based burgeoning young princess blog editor prodigy originating from Newton, MA. As the sole female correspondent and expert on touching ones culture, I was asked by the “TouchMyCulture” editorial team to join as the token burgah. I will be releasing my highly anticipated debut novel this fall titled, “Walk Faster or Get Out of My Way, You’re Not On the List & If You are the Type of Person that Wears Socks and Sandals While Being a Man Don’t Talk to Me.” That being said, im fervently immersed in the sequel that is titled, “I’m Still Not Going to Sleep With You Even Though You Bought Me Something Expensive.”

I enjoy long walks on the beach and passing judgments on others. I have zero experience in the blogosphere, other than floating to the top of the pitches pool for the trivial “TouchMyCulture” editorial team, where I began contributing as the official NYC burgah. Prior to the epiphany that my life calling was to be a pro bono writer for a website called, “TouchMyCulture,” I was masquerading as a hustler, nightlife connoisseur and badass music bitch around NYC. So this should be fun watching me try to figure out the whole “blog” thing.

What I Do, Job-wise: Music, music, music. Run NYC nightlife. Detest NYC nightlife/clubrats. Hoards and peddles vintage clothes, among other things.

What I Do, Fun-wise: Travel, music, cook, go to shows, bathe and groom, help beautiful elderly women cross the street and pass judgment on others.

My Motto: Don’t waste time.

My Anti-Motto: Kardashian-inspired.

The First Movie Star I Ever Had A Crush On: Jonathan Taylor Thomas circa Home Improvement (awoooooga awooooga)

My “celebs to make out with” list: John Goodman frequents my dreams. Leonardo DiCaprio’s presence intimidated me so I couldn’t imagine making-out while hyperventilating. Liam Hemsworth is enormous. Tom DeLonge is married with children 😦 Working in a celeb hot-spot has taught me that beauty is overrated, Nas is cool as shit and celebrities are typically total circus freaks not to be fanaticized over.

The Most Played Song On My iTunes: It’s a dead tie between something totally obscure that you’ve probably never heard of and Best Song Ever by One Direction.

Last Book I Read Without Skimming Any Parts: Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut and The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, because it made me feel things.

I Have Faked An Orgasm (Yes/No): No, I’m brutally honest.

Interesting Fact About Myself: I haven’t used a microwave in two years.

Selfie:

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#selfie #iwokeuplikethis #nofilter #assfordays #girlsnight #twerkqueen #nomakeup #aunatural #girlcrush

Blogger Q&A:

Tiff_annie asked: How did you start blogging?

Define “blogging”.. I volunteered as a joke and discovered that the internet is a fantastic outlet to complain and brag because nobody is reading this.

lo_lo164 asked: How would you describe your style? 

Whatever’s clean and fucking trendy.

namelessker99 asked: Kendra are you okay?

I’m on top of the world.

bellasoph768 asked: What’s your favorite book?

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, because I’m erudite and The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, because that was the first time in my life I’ve ever felt human emotion.

gemastley11 asked: What are your life goals?

Learning when to shut the fuck up.

Anonymous asked: I think you’re a pretty awesome role model and super cool can we get married and feed giraffes instead of having an actual ceremony. bye thanks have a nice day.

I accept.

Anonymous asked: Did you not get my text

Um.

Anonymous asked: are you friends with that slutever chick?

No, I wish. She sounds fun. 😦

 

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Be sure to keep an eye out for my “How To” series, where I show you how to relieve your period cramps AND get him to call you back!

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